To the west, to the west, I haven't got there yet....

With Appa all packed and ready to make the great trek northward, all that was needed was a peck of breakfast to tide us over on our 8 hour drive. Luckily, our hotel offered the continental breakfast of champions, Yodels. They also had sticky buns, but those went much quicker and you needed to arrive early in order to procure on for your belly. So we feasted, said goodbye to the hotel room we called home for the past 5 days, with its two identical paintings on different walls (as if we, the art enthusiasts we are, wouldn't notice), and departed. We drove for hours, through rain, extreme sunshine, and Eau Claire before we made it to our destination - the fifth, final and greatest of the Great Lakes, Lake Superior. We touched it and felt complete. There was only one way to celebrate - indian food. Luckily there was a well-reviewed Indian Palace quite near to our location in the quaint downtown area of Duluth. The vegetable samosas and chicken kashimiri were delectable, in case any of you are ever in Duluth.

It was Monday night, time for some Monday Night Football between the Cowboys and Skins, two of Dan's divisional rivals being an Eagles fan, so we set out towards Minneapolis in search of a bar to watch the game. There was one slight hitch in our plan - we were in the middle of nowhere. We stopped in Pine City, a place with a very loose definition of city, in search of a bar, pub or really any place with a television. A drive through the entire "city" yielded no results, which seemed unbelievable because there didn't seem to be anything else to do in the area aside from binge drinking.

A little ways down the highway was Rush City, with a booming population of 2201, where we finally found a place to catch the game. We played a game of pool and watched the relatively boring game that only saw one touchdown. As we were getting ready to leave, the bartender came over and warned us that we were parked in the handicapped spot outside, and knowing we weren't from the area, cautioned us that "any parking spot with a little blue sign is probably meant for the handicapped," as if we wouldn't know that being from New Jersey, where the disabled are forced to walk long distances and take the stairs when they park!

We found a rest stop about 20 minutes outside of Minneapolis, deciding to get rest up because we had a big plans for the following morning. It was time to cross the Mississippi River just like the intrepid explorers from the days of yore.

We awoke to a cool wet morning and slowly made our way to the mighty Mississippi.  After vetoing our first cross-point because it was a bit more heavily populated than we liked, we headed to our second launch point. It seemed acceptable, but at this point reality was sinking in. It was cold outside, and one can only assume that water coming down from up by Canada was going to be even colder. We swim-suited up, took one last picture for our mothers in case we died, and made our way down to the water. We waded in, ran back out, manned up, and headed back in. The current was much stronger than we thought it would be. It stayed shallow for a while, but wading through the current was like climbing uphill on slippery rocks that you couldn't see. It finally grew deep enough to begin swimming. We made it about three-quarters of the way across before the current really picked up. Dan was essentially Michael Phelps and made it through like a 8-time Olympic gold medalist, and Sean did alright too. The run back to the car was surprising not as cold as we anticipated, but running shirtless through the streets of Minnesota was a little awkward.

However, the bottom line is this - Team Dan and is finally on the board against Mother Nature.

Mother Nature - 5752748057102940932978129

Team Dan and Sean - 1

Count it.

We dried off, got rid of the smell of the Mississippi to the best of our ability, and set off westward.  We are sitting in a Panera in Sioux City now bringing you this post before we set off to the Badlands, where it can only be assumed there will little access to internet.  So assuming we survive out in the wild for the next few days and make it back to civilization, smell ya later. 

This post has been brought to you by a plutonium-enriched Bart Simpson, murky river water and the half sandwich and cup of soup deal.

I drove to Chicago in the van, with my friend. We slept in parking lots. I don't mind. I was in love with the place in my mind

We should have known something was terribly wrong when our GPS told us it would take 47 minutes to travel 6 miles….

We rounded the southern tip of Lake Michigan and entered Illinois, and as Chicago's skyline, dominated by the Willis Tower (formally Sear's Tower), rose from the horizon, our forward progress came to an immediate and unforgiving halt. We learned on this first day of Chicago the painful effects of what we have since named the "Willis Effect."

"Regardless of the day of the week, time of day, weather and any and all other factors, Route 90, the main highway past the city of Chicago, will be bumper to bumper with unreasonable amounts of traffic.. 

Our hypothesis was tested several times because our hotel was about 10 miles away from Chicago near O'Hare Airport, and this highway was our only route to and from the city. The final bit of evidence that solidified this idea into scientific law was the gridlock we sat in at midnight on a crisp, clear Thursday night. It defied logic and reason.

Chicago is famous for many things, including but not limited to the wind, pizza, the Cubs' inability to win a World Series, the Bean, the Willis Tower, the Bears and President Obama. With a list that manageable, we decided we should get acquainted with all of the things on it.

Due to an overwhelming level of hunger, we decided that we should start with the pizza. We headed downtown to Bella Bacino's, right on the river, and enjoyed a nice, romantic stuffed pizza for two. To say it was delicious would be an insult to the pizza. It was so good that even the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles would have approved (and you know how picky that Michelangelo can be). New York knows its way around a thin crust, but Chicago gets the win for stuffed crust.

We set out the next morning to better acclimate ourselves with Chi-town and the Chicagonese by taking a run through the city streets. Having underestimated distances a little bit, we returned to the car nearly 5 miles later with a newfound appreciation for Appa and thought it logical to walk around the city and see the sights on tired legs. 

There doesn't seem to be any logical reason why every city would not want an oversized, reflective legume within their limits, and yet only Chicago has one as of now. It's mind-boggling.  After about 140 reflection pictures and a bit of marveling at two girls trying to apply make up in the "fun-house mirror" reflection of the Bean, we headed to Willis Tower. One 15 minute walk and a 60 second elevator ride later , we were on the 103rd floor standing in a glass box extended out over the streets of Chicago.  The view was breathtaking, and not having it collapse under us despite several overweight tourists was an added bonus.

We spent the rest of the night wandering on the Magnificent Mile, a stretch of road that is essentially an enormous outdoor mall ironically only three quarters of a mile long, lined with shops we don't anticipate ever being able to afford. 

We left early the next morning and set out to St. Louis for the day.  Seeing the Gateway Arch rise up from the horizon on our approach to the city made us feel as Lewis and Clark must have felt walking underneath it when they took the west from the Indians for America.  We made our way into the city, snapped some photos of the arch and played some frisbee underneath it before heading out to explore. We walked over to the Busch stadium, and considered buying some tickets to the Cardinals/Cubs game that night from scalpers before being outraged at their obnoxiously overpriced tickets. So instead we decided to find a bar and grab a Bud, seeing as we were in the hometown of Anheuser-Busch. Along the way, we walked through a marching band competition, much to the jubilation of former band geek, Dan Hagen. We left St. Louis that evening - destination Chicago - and slept in a  24-hour McDonald's parking lot for a few hours along the way.

There is an absurd amount of people who go to McDonald's at 4 in the morning in Middle of Nowhere, Illinois. 

We arrived back in Chicago as the sun was rising, and headed to the Bean to see it when there weren't a few thousand tourists lurking all around.  We were able to get some good views and pictures.  We had a few hours to kill before we could check into our hotel and get some real sleep, so we walked down by Lake Michigan, and then Dan headed to the Museum of Industry and Technology to play with some children's exhibits with a surprising number of Amish people, while Sean took an extended walk around the city in the rain, illustrating his true emo nature. 

On our way back to the hotel, we tried to find President Obama's old house from back when he was a Chicaglishman in order to heckle him from our car, but we ended up in an extremely rough neighborhood, deciding that any and all yelling from out of our car window would end up with us getting shot. We thought it best to just head back to the hotel.

We finally made it back to our hotel, after sitting in about an hour's worth of traffic, and fell almost immediately into the nap. We had tickets to the Chicago White Sox game that night, our second choice as the Cubs were on the road.  Neither of us seemed to have the foresight to set an alarm to ensure we awoke in time. Luckily Sean's phone took on a mind of its own and set itself off with just enough time to spare to make it to Cellular Park in time for the first pitch. We had seats right along the third base line for only $10, which was a steal considering it was Star Wars night! There was Storm Troopers and Wookies wandering the stadium, and Star Wars clips playing in-between every batter. Truly classy. Unfortunately, we failed to catch a foul ball. However, we did see a guy get clocked in the face by a foul ball, so we didn't complain. The White Sox, who were wearing black socks, pulled out the victory, which was good because the post game fireworks would have been far less cheerful had they not.

Baseball wasn't enough to satiate our desire for sporting events, so we decided to go to a little football contest between the Chicago Bears and the Green Bay Packers the next day. Apparently it was a big deal for Chicagonians, but we opted to root for the Packers, throwing on some green and yellow and heading out to Soldier Field. After a little tailgating in the parking garage, we remembered that we had yet to touch Lake Michigan, our fourth Great Lake, so we walked down to the waterside. We had to use a ladder to climb down from the dock in order to touch the water. Sean may or may not have slightly fallen in, drenching his right foot, but nevertheless, count it! Four lakes down. 

We hopped on the free shuttle to the stadium, and started making our way up to our seats. After a set of stairs, two ramps, followed by another few sets of stairs, an elevator, a short hot air balloon ride and a human catapult, we finally made it to our seats. Don't worry, though - we didn't have the worst seats in the house. There was an entire row behind us!

We still had a great view, nonetheless, and we were in the section with the most Packer fans so we were far less likely to be assaulted for our color scheme choice. Great game, great incredibly overpriced food and drink, and a great Packers' win. Other than a few distraught Bear's fans who fought each other to avenge their loss, the atmosphere was relatively jovial for the whole game.

A night cap at a blues bar in the South Side seemed like the best option afterwards. We grabbed a quick bit to eat at a Sengalese restaurant, where the food was delicious and the proprietors downright genial. We ended up at Lee's Unleaded Blues Club, an awesome little place on the corner on two nearly desolate streets. The atmosphere inside was amazing, with the band playing on a little stage and about 15 people sitting at tables and on barstools that could have been taken straight out of the 1970s. Everyone inside seemed to be regulars who knew each other well, but they all still went out of their way to introduce themselves and make us feel welcome. The band was such a hodgepodge collection of guys, with a extremely old guitar player, a bass player with a suit made out of dreams and silk gold, a keyboard player with a hat right out of Fat Albert, and a drummer that probably was Fat Albert. And then there was "Shorty Mack," the lead singer, who soulfully seem to make love to every woman in the audience as he performed his songs. He introduced himself to us, after we bought his record, and he even signed it for us, to "Shaun and Dan the (Man)."

And so ended this part of our adventure with the Chicagonites. We unflinchingly battled through some traffic, made it back to the hotel and prepared to set off to the Northland the following day.

This post has been brought to you by pizza, ball park hotdogs, football and the blues...

PS - Sean is now accepting applicants to be his roommate when he moves to Chicago, because for serious, this place was awesome.

The beats are all banging, but the words are all hollow...

When we last left our intrepid travelers, they had just narrowly escaped the maniacal clutches of the evil Canada and safely made their way into Detroit, hoping to enjoy a bit of relaxation. Let's check in with them now....


After stopping at a local pub to root for Eli Manning to fall into a mild coma lasting the length of his game versus the Rams so that Sean wouldn't lose in fantasy football, we checked into our hotel. A bit of exploring found a $15, incredibly graphic Hustler XXX magazine under our television stand, truly capturing the essence of the classy establishments we are staying in on this trip. Exhausted as we were from our Canadian excursion, we were quickly lulled to sleep by the sounds of low flying aircraft going this way and that around Detroit's airport.

We arose the following morning and ventured down for our free continental breakfast, consisting of orange juice, bread and microwavable oatmeal, minus the microwave. Feeling guilty that we gorged on such a feast, we opted to try and work it off at the hotel's gym facilities. It turns out that their idea of a gym is mismatched weights, a broken bench and some very sad looking treadmills that were missing part of their "tread" in several locations. Needless to say, we got our swell on, hit the showers and were ready for the road.

We decided to make our way to the Motown Museum. Along the way, we drove through a neighborhood that seemed to have more semi-collapsed than fully standing ones, so we decided to stop and get some photographs. All joking aside, it is difficult to find words to describe the desolation of the area we were in. It is truly eye opening to see that people within our own country are forced to live in such conditions.  Nearly every building had windows shattered and boarded up; several were half burnt the ground filled with debris inside the crumbling walls.  We tend to live in a bubble, knowing that there are those who have less than we do, but not really comprehending how bad it really is or how it affects our own lives. As the saying goes, "You are only as strong as your weakest link." Politicians talk of standing together as a nation and uniting, but for the most part it is just talk. It is time for us as a nation really stand up and help each other out, especially in these tough economic times.

We arrived at the Motown museum and were greeted by a highly energetic, singing tour guide, who walked us through the history of the Motown movement, from Marvin Gaye to the Temptations and even Michael Jackson, before he got creepy and morally suspect.  Despite the constant pressure to sing along with our tour guide and the motley crew of Brits on the tour with us, it was an awesome experience. Sean reached what some might call a plateau in life when he performed a riveting solo rendition of "My Girl" in the same spot that artists like Stevie Wonder and Marvin recorded their tracks. Move over Diana Ross…

We thought it time to leave after being slightly heckled by the museum employees for living at the Jersey shore, so we departed and decided to have a little lunch in a park, opting for a park overlooking the GM headquarter building after deciding our first choice was about to see a drug deal of some sort go down with some shady characters. We had some delightful tuna sandwiches, played some frisbee, showed our feelings toward GM by flipping off their headquarters, and set off for Lansing, Michigan.

We took a relatively quick detour to touch the third of our five Great Lakes, Lake Huron. We arrived and found a public beach roughly the size of a small living room nestled between two private beaches owned by whom we can only assume are smelly, rich people. We touched the water, took some pictures and defied the rich bastards' "End of Public Beach" signs for a little while before setting off again. 

Along the way, we passed by Flint, Michigan, opting not to stop because not only had we seen enough devastation for one day in Detroit, but also because Dan's friends in Lansing promised us a game of laser tag at Zap Zone when we arrived. So onward we pressed, careful not to speed and get pulled over by the Michigan police with their singular, spinning lights on the top of their cars that were vaguely reminiscent of cartoons of old. When we arrived, we marched into battle…

There is only one thing to do after getting owned by the local prepubescent laser tag regulars who take the game just a little bit too seriously, and that is to grab some beers and hang out with some new people. We learned a new drinking game called walnut and started off our roadtrip beer pong record with three solid wins. So after a good night, we woke early the next day, and set off to Chicago…

Will our heroes ever make it to Chicago? Will  they ever learn if Chicagonian is what you call a person from Chicago? Will Chi-town's wind live up the hype? Will Dan ever put on pants?! All theses answers and more in our next post….

This post has been brought to you by Walnut, gas masks and Motown.

The Horizon is my Home

oh hi.  

1000+ miles, countless Cliff Bars, most of a gallon of milk, and 500 photos later we made it to ye great olde towne of Detroit, the city of brotherly love and rundown buildings.  An update is most certainly due.

It is remarkable how much food two people can fit into the back of a VW Jetta. We genuinely got a late start to our trip because we had to find a way to make all of our assorted snacks fit into such a confined space. Goldfish need room to breathe, man, and we just don't have the space to offer them.

We finally set off, though, for Dan's hometown of Bellefonte, and in his words, "it was just as picturesque" as he remembers.  Our late start cut into his exploration time, but rest assured, there are still obnoxiously steep hills and a most beautiful park at the bottom of high street.  

He vows to return soon, but until then, we bid adieu to Bellefonte, and hit the road again en route to Pittsburgh, closing out a solid 5 hours in the car with a nocturnal view of the city and its 312 bridges.

We met up with Miss Amy Smith, our host and gracious chauffeur in Pittsburgh, and headed out for a night to 'South Side,' a street lined with bars, clubs and saloons. Amy decided to introduce us to Hofbrahous, a enormous German bar complete with an um-pah cover band rocking out in their knee high white socks and suspenders, servers in Lederhosen,  and drunken buffoons singing and dancing on wooden tables slamming bier steins together in a raucous manner. Shot-skys, an old wooden ski fashioned with four shot glasses, were being served in every direction, usually resulting in half a shot falling from every other glass, but uproarious laughter following shortly thereafter.  We obviously had the lady beers, some very delicious Hefewisens, and were pleasantly pleased.  Shortly after our arrival to this party-hous, we were met by none other than Joanne Bertonazzi, who we haven't seen since the early years of college, decades ago, but who by happenstance lives in Pittsburgh these days. A good time was had by all. 

Penguins' open practice the next morning was a chilly wake up event.  Even with our late arrival, we got seats up at the glass.  We could say that it was awesome to see the focus, skill and determination these players have, but instead allow us to comment that about half of the people were rocking a beer, nachos or both at only 9 am screaming and banging on the glass as if it was game seven of the Stanley Cup finals. They take their hockey quite seriously. After several bad "puck" jokes by Dan, everyone decided it was time to leave and get some lunch -  at Chipotle, of course.

When we got home, which took what felt like hours due to the unnecessarily complex combination of highways, construction and bridges, Dan decided it would be a good idea to go for a run. For those of you who have never run in Pittsburgh, you ought to know that the city is filled with hills covered in extra gravity. Needless to say, our run was short and painful, and set us up for a big meal at Primardi's, a favorite of the local "Yinzers."  The night was capped off with some Frownie Brownies, a depressingly delicious Pittsburgh dessert.

Sunday morning, we thanked Amy, almost forgot a vital hat, and left for brunch with Joanne, who showed us her part of town, Shady Side - a hipster's paradise where black and yellow is the new black.  Seeing as it was the Lord's day, she decided to also take us a Church to, you know, grab a beer and watch the Steelers' game.  I know what your thinking, don't they usually only serve the blood of Christ in church? Not here. This large, old church was converted into a bar, with a massive set of beer fermentation casts on the altar, tables replacing pews, and a drunken lady falling off a bar stool.  Back to beautiful Shady Side for the rest of the games, a different drunk lady falling of a skateboard in a bar and a Thai Burrito.  

That night after the Eagles game, we left for an overnight trek to Toronto. Now we aren't saying this was the worst idea ever, but there certainly have been better ideas in human existence, including but not limited to, surfing during a tsunami, wrestling bears, and electing George W  a second time.  We drove through rain, traffic and Canadians and were able to see the city, but only just.  The fog would have made the view from the majestic CN tower pointless, and the rain would have made a walk around the city or some frisbee in the park a little uncomfortable.  So instead we took a brief barefoot stroll through a park, ate some cliff bars, got dirty looks from locals and called it a success.  We left the green thinking city, with its electric trolleys and copious amounts of bikes, marveling at the the fact that there were more buildings under construction than there were completed ones, and headed back through worse rain and traffic back to the states.  It should be noted that as soon as the border was in site, the sun broke through the clouds and cast away the rain in what we can only assume to be a sign from above that one should never be in Canada for more than a few hours.

Total time in Canada: 6 hours.  Time spent driving in Canada: 5.45 hours. Perfect.

So we made it to Detroit, earning ourselves delicious nap. Team roadtrip over and out.

One love.

This post has been brought to you by Yinzers, Sidney Crosby and a pity party of Frownie Brownies, but NOT by Toronto.

The End of the Preparations

Hello Friends, Relatives, Enemies, Ex's, Acquaintances and....Scharf:

We wanted to take this time to introduce you to our Travel Blog.  Welcome.  Relax, put your feet up, pour yourself a fizzy beverage and let us begin our tale....

After a few lofty dreams of driving to Australia and back, Dan's friends quickly informed him that he was insane, and though that dream lives on as a motorcycle trip (don't worry Mrs. Hagen),  Sean suggested a bit more modest of a trip. Being a cosomopolitan man of the world, he saw an opportunity to explore, satiate his wanderlust, and travel the rugged expanse of North America, sans Mexico.  Let that idea simmer for a few months, add some procrastination, pizza, and a lot of planning and a beautiful, baby road trip was born.  We named it Sue.

Our vehicle of choice will be Dan's VW Jetta, that will henceforth be referred to as 'Appa,' the Sky Bison.  We are going to be traveling for 2-3 months cutting from Canada back to the States on the way to the Pacific, then south down the coast til they don't speak American no more, at which time we will make our way home through the deep south,  take left at the Appalachians and straight home till Jersey.

Here is our very tentative, easily pliable schedule:

9/16 - Depart -- Bellefonte -- Pittsburgh (stay the night)

9/17 - Morning in Pittsburgh -- Drive to Toronto

9/18 - Toronto - Touch Lake Onterio

9/19 - Leave early for Detroit, day in Detroit, drive to Lansing 

9/20 - Lansing

9/21 - Drive to Chicago

Chicago

9/25 - Chicago - Bears/Packers game

9/26 - Grand Rapids 

9/27 - Cross Mississippi at Lake Itsaca -- drive onto Devil's Lake

9/28 - Drive to Teddy Roosevelt National Park

9/29 - Drive to Devil's Tower

9/30 - Drive to Mount Rushmore, continue on to Badlands

10/1 - Badlands/Buffalo Gap National Park

10/2 - Badlands/Buffalo Gap National Park

10/3 - Drive to Denver

10/4 - Rocky Mountain National Park, night in Denver

10/5 - Aspen

10/6 - Aspen, drive back to Denver

10/7 - Denver (Red Rocks) - Frank Turner show @ Marquis Theatre

10/8 - Gunnison National Park - stay in Aspen - Chromeo show

10/9 - Drive through Salt Lake City, onto Jackson Hole

10/10 - Grand Teton National Park

10/11 - Yellowstone National Park

10/12 - Yellowstone National Park

10/13 - Drive to Portland, Naked and the Famous show @ Doug Fir Lounge

10/14 - Portland, Mt Hood

10/15 - Mt. Rainier & Mt. St. Helen, Seattle

10/16 - Seattle (Mt Olympus National Park)

10/17 - Seattle, North Cascades National Park

10/18 - Vancouver

10/19 - Vancouver, start heading down Pacific Coast Highway stay somewhere in Oregon

10/20 - Pacific Coast Highway - stay down by Redwood National Park

10/21 - Redwoods National Park, continue to San Francisco

10/22 - San Francisco

10/23 - San Francisco, in the afternoon PCH to LA

10/24 - LA

10/25 - LA

10/26 - LA

10/27 - LA

10/28 - LA

10/29 - Joshua Tree National Park

10/30 - Joshua Tree National Park

10/31 - San Diego

11/1 - San Diego

11/2 - Channel Islands?

11/3- Death Valley

11/4 - Death Valley

11/5 - Yosemite

11/6 - Yosemite

11/7 - Great Basin National Park

11/8 - Capital Reef National Park

11/9 - Patchwork Parkway

11/10 - Zion National Park

11/11 - Grand Canyon

11/12 - Grand Canyon

11/13 - Grand Canyon

11/14 - Las Vegas

11/15 - Las Vegas

11/16 - Arizona

11/17 - Arizona

11/18 - Four Corners

11/19 - San Juan Skyway

11/20 - Roswell/Cadillac Ranch

11/21 - San Antonio

11/22 - Austin

11/23 - New Orleans

11/24 - New Orleans

11/25 - New Orleans

11/26 - New Orleans

11/27 - Memphis

11/28 - Nashville

11/29 - Tail of the Dragon (Stay in Otto, NC)

11/30 - Skyline Drive, PA

12/1 - My relatives in VA

12/2  - Baltimore

12/3 - DC

12/4 - Home?

And that is pretty much how a trip across the United States looks.


Thanks everyone for your support thus far, and if any of you have any desire to bite the bullet and visit us along our trip, PLEASE DO.  A welcome face is always appreciated, and we would love to share the experience. And also if you recall a wicked Muffin shop in Texas or a big waterfall in North Dakota, please comment and let us know. We want to see everything from as close to the local's perspective as we can get.  If you have any requests for us to bring back photos, sand, branches, beers or rocks... that's weird, however we will do our best.

Please e-mail us, comment, harass us, and send funny pictures of animals in inappropriate hats.  Basically, stay in touch.

One love.

This post has been brought to you by copious amounts of Quick Check, Keira Knightly and the proper use of pronouns.