It is late in the afternoon on a Wednesday. Three men, mid twenties gather at an In + Out Burger in Southern California. They sit alone, with other customers keeping their distance, owing mainly to the overwhelming odor accumulated from 3 days of hiking emanating from the table.
Steve
(cringing at his own odor)
Damn, I smell.
Dan
Well, you have worn that exact outfit for 4 straight days.
Sean (VO)
In Steve's defense, we had just spent 3 days in Yosemite National Park, completing "strenuous" hikes and being too cold to even consider the thought of changing our pants. It's a rough and tough life on the road. I took the final bite of my burger. The juicy beef was rejuvenating after 3 days of nothing but Clif bars and trail mix.
Sean
(sitting back in seat, holding stomach)
Well, I feel like almost a human being again.
Dan
I'll share that sentiment once I've showered.
Cue music - "California" by Phantom Planet
Sean (VO)
With that, we got back on the road. The other customers were eyeing us with the same caution one gives a mangey stray dog in a dark alley, and it was disconcerting. Also, the glitz and glamour of the city of Angels was beckoning out to us. We were greeted by the Hollywood sign, the same landmark that has greeted millions on their quest to be discovered. Perhaps today, a Dana Gordon-type exec will be stricken by the angelic figure longboarding the streets of the city.
The sun has set around the Adventurer All-Suite Hostel in Los Angeles, California, where Dan, Sean, and Steve sit in the open-air bar, amongst hostel patrons. Admist the sounds of the television and a humming popcorn machine, there are conversations going on in several different languages and accents.
Dan
(noticeably relieved and well-groomed)
Now I feel like a human again.
Sean (VO)
Steve and I both nod. Our showers had been both invigorating and refreshing, and I no longer felt like people were inching their tables away from us. Now all we needed was a good night's sleep and several more bags from the free 24-hour popcorn machine, and we would be ready to take on LA.
Sean
How many bags of popcorn have you knocked down?
Steve
Well, it's debatable.
Dan
No, it's quite literally six.
Enter old lady from stage right. She is shuffling her feet as she walks, muttering incoherently to herself.
Woman
(Audibly, but to herself)
During the day, I'm in the kitchen, and at night, I'm always naked.
Sean (VO)
We stared at each other, baffled. La La land certainly has a cast of characters. Just a few minutes ago we saw an older man hitting on a young Asian woman, using tales of his divorce, attempted suicide and anti-depressant medications. She indulged him politely, but you had to assume that barring an unforeseeable rise in her BAC, that was going nowhere.
Dan
Oh god, look to your 4:30.
Steve and Sean look to their 4:30, where a fern sits innocently. They look at Dan. He finally points to the woman, who had shuffled up to the television and began doing a sort of pained happy dance. She was apparently a big Notre Dame fan and had gotten over her obvious dissatisfaction of being naked every night, as they began their trouncing of Navy.
Dan
Well, I've seen enough.
Steve
Time for bed?
Sean (VO)
Though still early, we headed to bed. We had lots of sleep to catch up on and an entire city to see tomorrow.
It is a perfect sunny late afternoon at Venice Beach, California. The sun is starting to consider setting for the night as our three compadres walk down the boardwalk, idly roaming past a multitude of shops and characters.
Dan
What a beautiful way to end this day.
Sean (VO)
In a very cliche way, he was right. We had a pleasant day in LA. We caught a matinee of Ides of March in the iconic ArcLight Theatre after perusing the enormous Amoeba Music store. We also meandered down the Walk of Fame, ending at the Chinese Mann Theatre, complete with its famous cemented handprints. Unfortunately, however, even in the heart of Hollywood, we were neither approached or discovered. Nevertheless, we kept our heads held high. If the road to fame wasn't full of some bumps and detours, everyone would take it. The literal roads in LA were full of both of those things too, as well as an exuberant amount of traffic, so after battling through LA's parking lot of vehicles for what felt like hours, we had finally made it to Venice Beach.
Enter man in green scrubs on stage right. He speaks with a typical California stoner drawl.
Man
Do you guys want to get legal today? Only $40 to get your Medical Marijuana card!
Sean (VO)
We chuckle. He is standing under a big sign reading "Green Doctor."
Man
Don't hesitate, medicate! The doctor is in!
Sean
No thanks, we're all good.
Sean (VO)
Our lime-robed friend didn't miss a beat and immediately moved on to the group of females passing behind us.
Man
You ladies looking to get high tonight?
Sean (VO)
That's the problem with Los Angeles. Faux male nurses in green scrubs only act like your friend to sell you pot. It's full of phonies.
Dan
Hey look, muscle beach!
Sean (VO)
In an outdoor, beachside facility, we see several guys getting their collective swell on. They were probably trying to look their best for head-shots or casting calls.
Steve
I wonder if they got the full spectrum of amino acids.
Sean (VO)
They probably did. They have that look about them, what with their 80's styled sweatpants and muscle tees. I can imagine them taking a plethora of supplements. Unsurprisingly, all this thought of working out has made me hungry.
Sean: Dinner?
The night's darkness envelopes the windows of a mediocre sushi restaurant in LA. The guys are being served by a flamboyant Latino waiter, who had affectionately called them "thirsties" already.
Sean
(with a mouth full of spicy tuna)
I want to see a game 7.
(To Steve)
Even if you were a Rangers fan, wouldn't you kinda wanna blow this game just to see a game 7?
Steve
That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. A game 7 is a toss-up!
Game six of the World Series between the St. Louis Cardinals and the Texas Rangers was on the television. The Rangers were on the verge of winning the series, with a two run lead going into the ninth.
Cut the lights, and empty the restaurant. The boys still sit at the table, as St. Louis has tied the game, given up two runs, tied the game again, and Ryan Freese stepped to the plate.
Waiter
(with the entire staff by the door, anxiously looking at their watches)
So how much time is left?
Steve
(apprehensively)
Well, it should be any minute now..
And Freese hits one deep! It is high, it is far, it is... gone! Sean Cogan fist pumps enthusiastically as his dreams of a game 7 are realized.
Sean (VO)
We pack up and leave quickly, thanking the waiter for his hospitality. HIs generosity and the Cardinals' come-from-behind win has rekindled our belief in the soul of Hollywood. We head to bed, with dreams of making it big still pouring through our heads.
The sun is setting over the Pacific at Huntington Beach, California. Dan meanders around the beach capturing the photogenic sunset from all the right angles. Steve has found his way into a pickup game of volleyball with a few of the locals, and Sean, having had to return to the car to replace his shoes after his incredibly used flip-flops were heartlessly stolen, watched jealously.
Sean
I am so beat, I would kill for a meal and a bed right now.
Sean (VO)
Our exhaustion was understandable, considering the day we had. It was filled with competitive frisbee H-O-R-S-E, dabbles into beach volleyball, frigid dips in the Pacific and active bargaining at a local market. TK's burgers, a local surfer joint had filled our bellies at noon, but by the time of the sunset, a full-sized hunger had grown.
Steve
OK, I think they are calling the game on account of the sun being down for 20 minutes.
Sean (VO)
And with that, we set off in search of a place to dine.
Dan, Sean and Steve are sitting in an Irish pub. The lights above their table are off, leaving the nearby television to be their primary source of light as they poured over the menu.
Sean (VO)
Restaurants.com led us to Gallagher's, an Irish-pub right off the beach that was conveniently showing Game 7 of the World Series. We were greeted by the overtly Irish bartender, and sat down at a table near the TV.
Enter Irish bartender on stage left.
Irish bartender
(with a comically heavy Irish accent)
So where ya boys from?
Steve
Jersey.
Irish bartender
(with his accent still hilariously strong)
Oh, Joisey, eh? Where there are the crooks and criminals and the good times, eh?
Dan
(with a straight face)
So you've been there?
Sean (VO)
He took our order and left us to watch the game. The Cardinals were leading, leaving the underdog lover in me considering throwing my support in Texas's corner.
Enter Drunken Irishman on stage right.
Drunken Irishman
(in a hardly comprehensible Irish accent)
G'evening lads. You gents e'er been to Ireland?
Sean
I have. My dad was born there.
Drunken Irishman
(in an even more slurred accent)
I'm from Donegal, but don't go letting people know I'm in the IRA!
Sean
(awkwardly laughing)
Oh, yeah, I wouldn't want to do that…
Sean (VO)
Our new, apparently radically militant Irish friend left us to our meal, and we turned our attention to the game, just in time to watch the Cardinals cap off an amazing series come back to win the World Series. We finished up our drinks, paid our bill and left the bar, which turned out to be a hotspot for the middle-aged crowd in Huntington Beach. Maybe another night we would have stayed and partied late into the night with this older, washed-up crowd, but tonight, in LA, they just evoked memories of our broken dreams. They reminded us that we didn't make it big.
Cue music - "Under the Bridge" by Red Hot Chili Peppers.
It seems to pointless to say, but it is another perfect day in Southern California. Dan Steve and Sean are sitting at a restaurant eating lunch with Sean's cousins Eugene and Anna, and Eugene's wife, Desirae.
Eugene: So where are you guys off to next?
Dan: We are heading down to San Diego tonight for Halloween. I am going as the kid from Up!, and Sean is going as Woody. We are doing a bit of a tribute to Pixar and Steve Jobs. We wanted Steve to go as Rex the dinosaur, but he hasn't gotten a costume yet, right Steve? Steve?
Steve
(head in hands, looking down)
(head in hands, looking down)
I need to go sit in the car.
Sean (VO)
Some combination of tasty Irish pub sandwiches, one shot of whiskey and too much free popcorn was punishing Steve, who spent several hours doubled over and mostly incoherent. A perfectly timed arrival at lunch saved Appa from any danger, but the city of LA was not safe as Steve already unleashed four public ralphs upon it. We finished up our meal and said goodbye to my cousins, with the hope that our time apart would be short. The atmosphere in Southern California makes it easy to be hopeful, unless, as in Steve's case, it relegates you to the front seat of the car feeling like you might throw up for a fifth time in as many hours.
We set off down the Pacific Coast Highway, and with the lights and glamour of Hollywood in our rearview mirror, we started to get our senses back, realizing we were probably better suited for a more laid-back scene in San Diego.
Cue music - "Party in the USA" by Miley Cyrus. A red VW Jetta, driven by Dan, with Sean and Steve as passengers, is seen driving down an oceanside highway, with the sun setting over the ocean.
Cut to black.
This post has been brought to you by a liberal state, the film and volleyball capitals of the world and Hollywood dreaming.
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